Archive for the ‘strange crimes’ Category

Nudity and Penis lead to fines

February 10, 2007

Hi Grit

I was wandering through the weekend news when I noticed two unusual items. The first of these involved a university student in Cambridge (UK). As you know we have recently had a lot snow. Thus, this particular student thought it would be appropriate to build a snow sculpture on one of the university lawns. However, instead of creating a suitable work of art, such as a snowman or igloo, the student plumped for a more original work, a penis. He was apprehended by police and given a fixed penalty for causing a public offence. I think this was a bit harsh bearing in mind that the structure would melt, therefore it can hardly be classed as fixed. No doubt he was trying to melt the ladies hearts.

The other story, which can be seen to be linked with the first, concerns a New York man who has been accused of riding nude in a ski-lift gondola and indecent activity. The man’s excuse was that the weather was too warm for clothing.

It is a weird world.

the Brit

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I just have to point this out…

February 6, 2007

Hi Brit,

I suspect that, by now, you’ve seen some report on, Astronaut accused of attempted murder.  The only reason I bring this particular article to your attention is that it is posted under Reuters Science News.  Don’t you know the reporters on the science beat have been dancing with joy that they finally have an excuse to cover a juicy story full of sex and violence.  To them I say, enjoy it while you can; next week it’s back to writing about electrons and strange looking fish.

the Grit

At least I am saner than this!

February 3, 2007

Hi Brit,

At times, I and, I hope, everyone else, have questions as to our own sanity.  In an effort to reassure myself, and others, as to our fundamental grip on reality and rationality, I offer this:

47 Tombstones Found in Dead Man’s Locker

OK, I know that this gives a new meaning to “grave robbing,” but it also give comfort to the rest of us that we aren’t, I hope, this short of a full deck.

the Grit

Speaking of Big Brother

February 3, 2007

Hi Brit,

I’m sure y’all have those automated cameras at intersections that take your picture and give you a ticket for running the light, all without the need for human attention.  Well, here’s proof that they don’t work as well as they should, NYC Ticket Says Man Ran Light in Rowboat.  What’s shocking about this incident is that, when the man questioned the ticket, it was dismissed.

Of course, not all police activity is automated, and some of it is high quality work by honest and  dedicated individuals.  Take this for instance, Wis. Police Chief Tickets Himself $235.  I think Chief Knoebel deserves a medal. 

Go Colts!

the Grit

Those crazy environmentalists

February 3, 2007

Hi Brit,

Do you have to be crazy to become an environmentalist, or does being an environmentalist make you crazy?  Either way, this guy fits the bill, Man Accused of Setting Bike Path Traps.  Now, I could understand if this nut job was going after the Dreaded SUV, but I thought the loony left liked bicycles.  What’s going to set them off next, running shoes?

the Grit

Death by hanging

January 31, 2007

Hi Grit,

You will remember all the todo there was about Sadam Hussain’s hanging? I have just found another very descriptive, detailed and gruesome account of a hanging in Scotland, although without video. You might well be wondering how this could be, bearing in mind that the UK no longer have the death penalty.

The answer is that this hanging took place 178 years ago. It involved a man named “Burke” of Burke and Hare fame. You will note that the media coverage then, was just as outrageous as it is now. However, in those days at least the public did not hide their feelings, being prepared to pay 20 shillings (must be over £20,000 now) to watch the event.

Just goes to show that, despite the technological and civilisation advances, we still have the same basic instincts as we did then.

the Brit

The real face of liberalism

January 30, 2007

Hi Brit,

I’ve been mulling this story over all day.  It’s such a disgusting saga that I almost skipped it, then, it hit me that we can’t progress as a people by sweeping the dirt under the rug.

Anti-war protesters spray paint Capitol building

Add that to the scene of Hanoi Jane back in action, and, without an extreme act of will, I would be leaning over the rail on the back porch puking my guts out.  Our country has a putrid, festering boil, and its name is Liberal.  Sadly, it seems that the only effective treatment will be lancing.  The future seems unusually bleak today.

the Grit

Death penalty!?!?

January 30, 2007

Hi Brit,

While there are vast quantities of arguments both for and against the death penalty, some crimes, at least to me, are so heinous that I have no doubts as to the appropriateness of slaughtering the criminal.  All due process should, of course, be followed to insure the guilt of the monster about to be dispatched.  By now, you’re probably thinking of Saddam and his too horrible to speak of crimes.  Good guess, but wrong.  Instead there are criminals walking among us that are less well known but even more unspeakable.  When caught and tried, deep in my heart, I feel they need to be terminated with extreme prejudice.  Here is an example, South Korean duo arrested for 1.6 bln spam e-mails.  Honestly, I’m not sure there is a country today that has a method of execution gruesome enough to be appropriate for this crime, however, that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t around and send them off to the worst we can find.

the Grit

Bat out of hell, bite me world!

January 29, 2007

Hi Brit,

I was in a bit of a nostalgic mood this afternoon, so I put “Bat Out of Hell” on and cranked it up.  Man, what perfect timing!  Global Warming, extremest Muslim terrorists, liberals, Jane Fonda, Britney’s beaver, Big Brother racism, Hillary Clinton, the United Nations, President Bush, AlGore, Iraq, Iran, nuclear bombs, blood in the streets, and the end of the world; screw it all!  So, take a few minutes, put the CD on, crank it up and sing along!

Bat Out Of Hell lyrics

The sirens are screaming and the fires are howling

Way down in the valley tonight
There’s a man in the shadows with a gun in his eye
And a blade shining oh so bright
There’s evil in the air and there’s thunder in the sky
And a killer’s on the bloodshot streets
And down in the tunnel where the deadly are rising
Oh I swear I saw a young boy
Down in the gutter
He was starting to foam in the heat
Oh Baby you’re the only thing in this whole world
that’s pure and good and right
And wherever you are and wherever you go
There’s always gonna be some light
But i gotta get out
I gotta break it out now
Before the final crack of dawn
So we gotta make the most of our one night together
When it’s over you know
We’ll both be so alone
Like a bat out of hell
I’ll be gone when the morning comes
When the night is over
Like a bat out of hell I’ll be gone gone gone
Like a bat out of hell I’ll be gone when the morning comes
But when the day is done
And the sun goes down
And the moonlight’s shining through

Then like a sinner before the gates of heaven

I’ll come crawling on back to you
I’m gonna hit the highway like a battering ram

On a silver black phantom bike

When the metal is hot and the engine is hungry

And we’re all about to see the light

Nothing ever grows in this rotten old hole

Everything is stunted and lost

And nothing really rocks

And nothing really rolls

And nothing’s ever worth the cost

And I know that I’m damned if I never get out

And maybe I’m damned if I do

But with every other beat I got left in my heart

You know I’d rather be damned with you

If I gotta be damned you know I wanna be damned

Dancing through the night with you

If I gotta be damned you know I wanna be damned

Gotta be damned you know I wanna be damned

If Gotta be damned you know I wanna be damned

Dancing through the night

Dancing through the night

Dancing through the night with you
Oh Baby you’re the only thing in this whole world

     that’s pure and good and right

And wherever you are and wherever you go

There’s always gonna be some light

But I gotta get out

I gotta break it out now

Before the final crack of dawn

So we gotta make the most of our one night together

When it’s over you know

We’ll both be so alone

Like a bat out of hell

I’ll be gone when the morning comes

When the night is over

Like a bat out of hell I’ll be gone gone gone

Like a bat out of hell I’ll be gone when the morning comes

But when the day is done

And the sun goes down

And the moonlight’s shining through

Then like a sinner before the gates of heaven

I’ll come crawling on back to you

Then like a sinner before the gates of heaven

I’ll come crawling on back to you

I can see myself tearing up the road

Faster than any other boy has ever gone

And my skin is raw but my soul is ripe

And no one’s gonna stop me now

I gotta make my escape

But I can’t stop thinking of you

And I never see the sudden curve until it’s way too late

I never see the sudden curve till it’s way too late

Then I’m dying on the bottom of a pit in the blazing sun

Torn and twisted at the foot of a burning bike

And I think somebody somewhere is tolling a bell

And the last thing I see is my heart

Still beating

Breaking out of my body

And flying away

Like a bat out of hell

Then I’m dying at the bottom of a pit in the blazing sun

Torn and twisted at the foot of a burning bike

And I think somebody somewhere must be tolling a bell

And the last thing I see is my heart

Still beating

Still beating

Breaking out of my body and flying away

Like a bat out of hell

Thanks Jim; thanks Meat!  Still love it; still a fan.

the Grit

The world of the unusual

January 28, 2007

Hi Grit

I thought I would share a few stories that I came across this morning.

Crime of the day. It could only happen in Ireland. A convict on weekend release from prison, when faced with delays in returning within his deadline, relied upon his experience to solve the problem. He stole a car and drove it back to the jail. He received a suspended sentence for the act.

Monty Python. It seems that in Malaysia they have a shortage of Guard Dogs for their fruit orchards. This could have something to do with a large python, who recently swallowed eleven of these dogs. The snake must have one gigantic appetite.

Abandon Train. I guess this could only happen in the UK. During the recent small incidence of snow a train got stuck (nothing unusual there you might think.) However, in this case the train driver and crew obviously decided they had had enough, so they got off the train and ordered a taxi to take them home, leaving the passengers stranded. I can’t say that I have noticed this option in the Customer Care manual.

the Brit   

Will it never end?

January 27, 2007

Hi Brit,

While I like you personally, I’m thinking of writing my Congressmen and demanding they declare war on England.  The reason, why to stop your Big Brother race problems being all over the Internet!  Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!  Now they’re going on about some singer, Jo O’Meara, that I’ve never heard of, or heard for that matter, because she imitated Shilpa Shetty’s voice?  Who cares?  This article, Big Brother star Jo denies racism, points out that Jo has Indian relatives, which, according to the Big Book of Political Correctness, when combined with any semblance of an attempt at humor allows some mocking of accents.  Don’t y’all keep up with these things?

Besides, the lass obviously has no idea what she’s doing most of the time.  For evidence I offer this quote, “We was doing that with her and she was finding that really funny.”  Add to this that she has, apparently, posed nude, and I think we can drop the racism stuff.  Of course, that article also mentions that: Before Friday’s show, a police spokeswoman said: “An investigation into allegations of racist behavior inside the Celebrity Big Brother house is continuing.”  Now, I know that y’all do things a bit differently over there, but I had no idea you had criminalized racist speech.  No wonder your jails are full.  Goodness, if we did that over here, it would be easier to move all the people who HAVEN’T said anything racist into one small state and declare the rest of the country a prison.

So, Brit my friend, I would consider it a great personal favor it you would stroll over to the Big Brother set and slap who ever is in charge silly.

the Grit

Republicans can also be wrong!

January 26, 2007

Hi Brit,

While I most often find fault with the liberals among us, conservatives can be wrong as well.  Here’s an excellent example, Congressman Wants Stricter Punishment For Criminals Who Make Themselves Easier To Catch.  OK, I see the point Representative Mario Diaz-Balart is making, but really, why discourage criminals from being easy to catch?  Seriously, if we have to have criminals, and it seems that we do, let’s push natural selection in the direction of producing stupid, easy to catch law breakers.  So, I suggest a drive to castrate all dangerous criminals who don’t video tape their crimes.  In the long run, it would be a great boon to humanity.

the Grit

Will the madness never end?

January 25, 2007

Hi Brit,

As I’ve told you before, the world is rushing headlong toward some horrible fate, and here’s more proof: Gnome, gnome on derange.  I, for one, am outraged!  These miscreants must be tracked down and forced to suffer a fitting punishment.  In this case, that would be having to glue all of the smashed gnomes back together.  If they work fast, they may even get through in time for the world to end in 2012.  For the non-guilty among you, as you go through life keep that old saying in mind, “save a gnome, bash the French.”

the Grit

The true, savage, face of PETA.

January 24, 2007

Hi Brit,

I don’t know if y’all are inflected with PETA (People for The Ethical Treatment of Animals) over there, but they’re an itchy rash on the ass of the US.  I’ve always thought they were staffed by a cadre of retarded zealots, but I had no idea they were this insane, PETA foes salivate at cruelty trial.  Ignoring the liberal spin in the title, we find that members of PETA are on trial for getting people to give them unwanted pets, under the pretext of finding them new homes, then killing the dogs and cats, and tossing the corpses in a dumpster!  Obviously, besides finding the culprits guilty, euthanizing them, and tossing their bodes in a dumpster, the Government needs to disband this criminal organization.  We also find, “The group, which raises more than $25 million a year from 1.6 million supporters,” proving that the 1.6 million nut jobs that stand behind this blood soaked gang, are tight wads.

the Grit

Sundance child porn getting attention.

January 23, 2007

Hi Brit,

Well it does seem that the Sundance child porn film, “Hounddog,” is getting a bit of attention, Fanning film hounded over rape scene.  Perhaps Redford and crew will be in jail soon!

the Grit

Ah, justice at last.

January 23, 2007

Hi Brit,

At times justice is sweet; at other times, it smells.  Karmic Payback For Joe Francis Comes In Form Of 200 Hours Of Runyon Canyon Pooper-Scooper Duty.  On the off chance you don’t know who Joe Francis is, he’s the brains behind “Girls Gone Wild.”  Apparently Joe wasn’t checking IDs before filming the young tarts’ naughty bits.  Bad Joe, bad!

the Grit

Two quick questions…

January 23, 2007

Hi Brit,

Two quick questions:

1.  Do they play the US State of the Union Speech over there?

2.  Where you going on your new bike, Britons Harvest Ship’s Bounty, From BMWs to Bibles? 😉

the Grit

Mr. Redford owes us an apology!

January 23, 2007

Hi Brit,

I;m sure you recall Robert Redford’s political rant at the opening of his Sundance Film Festival, where he demanded an apology from President Bush.  Well, after reading this, Sundance premieres ‘Hounddog’, I think RR owes an apology to everyone in the world for allowing child porn to be accepted as a serious movie.  This masterpiece that the liberals are defending features the rape of a 12 year old girl, using a 12 year old actress to film the scene.  Obviously every adult connected to the film in any way should offer profound and repeated promises while serving their jail terms for child abuse and making child pornography.  Of course, being the rich elitist liberals that they are, they don’t expect the laws to apply to them, just us peasants.  Unfortunately, they’re probably correct and this serious crime won’t even be investigated.  Typical.

the Grit

This should teach you to keep it in your pants.

January 16, 2007

Hi Brit,

Well, it looks like this is the day to discuss crazy American laws, Adultery could mean life, court finds.  While I can see how this might be considered justice, it sounds just a wee bit excessive, not to mention expensive.  Fortunately, I don’t think there will be very many instances where someone commits adultery during the commission of a felony.  Of course, depending on what this guy’s wife is like, he may be better off, and safer, in jail.

the Grit

Old wisdom still valid.

January 12, 2007

Hi Brit,

I love old wise sayings and stupid criminals (much better than smart crooks), so this caught my attention: Burglary Suspect Picks Bad Hiding Place.  Like they say, look before you leap.  The suspect should get a tattoo proclaiming that while in jail.

the Grit