Archive for the ‘New Product Reviews’ Category

Global Warming – Branson to the rescue

February 9, 2007

We can rest easy in our beds tonight, knowing that the solution to global warming is in safe hands. One of our most popular entrepreneurs, Richard Branson, has come up the solution. His idea is to offer a $25 million dollar prize to the first scientist to come up with a solution to extract CO2 from the atmosphere.

There are of course three problems here. One is that, if the past is anything to go by, it will be difficult to get scientific agreement. Two, by the time such a project is completed it will be too late and three, how will the machine or whatever be able to distinguish between so-called man-made emissions and natural emissions?

However, not to miss the opportunity to accumulate some wealth, I have come up with a couple of ideas you might want to help me with Grit.

PROJECT ONE 

STEP ONE – Build one chimney in the middle of the Atlantic.  It needs to be 15 miles high and 100 feet in diameter and stand on pylons sunk into the earth.

STEP TWO – Build a second chimney at a spot 180 degrees around the earth from the first chimney with the same dimensions.

STEP THREE – two miles above the earth’s surface around each chimney attach a network of horizontal pipes, one for each country within that chimneys hemisphere. The lengths of these pipes will be to be custom made so that they extend to reach each individual country.

STEP FOUR – At the end of each pipe attach a multi head large extractor fan, rather like a shower head. These will be directed to all points of the compass so that there is even coverage.

JOB DONE. Caution. All of the extractor fans will need to be turned on simultaneously to avoid unbalancing the earth.

PROJECT TWO

Possibly a more simple solution. I am given to understand that man-made emissions can be collected in containers of some nature. Therefore why don’t we constuct a fleet of CO2 garbage shuttles capable of holding these containers and run a weekly CO2 disposal service. By this route we can dump the emissions somewhere in outer space and give the problem to another galaxy.

the Brit

PS: Where do we find the application forms for the $25 million? 

EU – Don’t blame us!

January 26, 2007

Hi Grit

I hear your comments about the way that the EU is reacting to Microsoft. In fact it is a coalition of other computer companies that is raising their ugly heads about the matter. It is one of the problems with globalisation that every business wants a slice of it until someone (like Microsoft), find a great way to really make a go of it. Then all of the also-rans like IBM etc., start to rant because they have not made such a good job of achieving market share.

The EU commission, which is hardly a representative body from the electorate of the European nations, thinks to itself “oh dear, we had better not upset these transnational companies.” So they start ranting off as well. Of course no-one asks the millions of civilians what they think about the subject.

So, whilst I accept that this might have upset those in the US like you Grit, I would say that it is not a EU wide decision.

the Brit

End of the world – the robots are coming

January 22, 2007

Hi Grit

I think the EU and UK health services must know more about the coming end of the world than they are telling us. Scientists, many from various parts of the UK are well on the way to developing robot nurses, which they anticipate will be in action on the wards within three years, two years before the end of the world.

These robots will be able to dispense drugs (presumably whether you want them or not), lead visitors to patients (even if you don’t want to see them), mop up spillages (keep your whiskey hidden!) and remotely monitor the patient, for example take temperature (not that it will rise as there will no longer be a pretty nurse to look at).

I assume these robots will, initially at least, take instruction from medical staff. In which case, we must make sure that they watch what they say. The term “I think that patient is dead funny” could lead to robotic euthanasia, or “he was legless when he came in” unwanted amputation.

Is the fact that these tin beings are being introduced two years before 2012 significant I wonder?

the Brit

Wii is the new diet.

January 21, 2007

Hi Grit

It seems that the Japanese have found a new weight reducing diet that does not involve any adjustment to food intake. It is called the Wii. A man in Philadelphia has lost 9 pounds (4kgs) after experimenting for six weeks, using the Wii for 15 minutes a day. During that time he made no change at all to his diet. In addition of course, the exercise makes you fitter.

However, against this one has to weigh the cost, which according to one site, seems to centre around the safety harnesses that have broken sending the equipment flying through the air, often impacting with costly plasma TV’s and, what is worse, causing physical damage to the users.

It appears to me that if you want to lose weight without dieting, the Wii is the way to go, as long as you do not mind the prospect of a black eye or worse, and the replacement of household goods is not a problem.

the Brit

Suffolk Strangler

December 14, 2006

In the space of a few weeks in the quiet county of Suffolk in the UK, five young ladies have been murdered. So far, the police are no closer to apprehending the killer.

What appals me is the fact that the media are emphasising the profession of these girls, that of prostitutes. It is almost as if they are blaming this aspect of their lives for these girls fate. I have also listened in to many radio and news discussions surrounding this case and so much of it concentrates on arguments relating to the livelihood of the girls. Many are just stopping short of saying that the girls should have known this fate could have befallen them.

These are young girls who had lives to look forward to. Some had children and families. No-one can know the reason for their choice of work but, just like a car worker is protected by the common law, so should these girls be. To try and justify or demean the savagery of these crimes with these comments is totally wrong.

If more media space was given to given the public the facts of each crime, which might prompt the memory of an incident that might be relevant to the solving of the crime, this would be a more productive use of their time and energies.

These are abhorant crimes and everyone should be working together to catch the vicious person who is committing them, not arguing the merits of the girls work.

Let’s get our priorities right for once.

the brit

Surrender 24

December 12, 2006

Hi Brit,

I finally found time to check out the France 24 website.  It’s really cool and useful.  http://www.france24.com/  Y’all should bookmark this one.

I particularly enjoyed the translation section.  It seems you can find out how to say, “we surrender,” in every known language, including Ebonics and sign language.  One can never tell when that information is going to come in handy.  The cooking section also deserves special mention.  Really, where else can you find 842 different ways to cook snail.  Look for the link, “Snails, chicken in a shell.”

Oh, and don’t forget to check out the classified section, where the French Government is offering end of year prices on everything from nuclear weapons, to berets.  It looks like they are running a special on their own mothers.  Also of interest to those of you who that have bribed a French offical for the secret password, there are still a few cheap Oil for Food contracts up for bid.

While you’re there, don’t forget to down load Jacques Chirac’s Country – Western rendition of “Little American Pigs, How We Hate You So.”  I’m having special singing Christmas cards made up which play it when opened.

I know this site is going to keep you riveted to your computer screen, but please, please, don’t forget to swing back here every now and then.

the Grit

Coke Zero

December 4, 2006

Hi Brit,

Never fear, even our hated giants of business wouldn’t sell you an empty can.  It will at, the very least, have air in it.  However, my suspicion is that, since my understanding of the packaging laws indicates that water doesn’t have to be listed, you’re getting a can of pure water.  Of course, considering what EU countries charge us for the same thing, you’re getting a deal.

the Grit

Zero Coca-cola

December 4, 2006

Hey Grit

Your coca-cola company have just introduced a product called “Zero Cola.” It says on the label that it has no sugar no sachrine and just about nothing else as well. I haven’t bought any yet just in case the bottle is empty.

Do you think this is the “real thing” or are they just trying to make 100% profit on every bottle?

the Brit

November 10, 2006

I made an interesting purchase the other day.  It’s one of those flashlights that has a generator instead of batteries.  This one works by shaking, which makes a metal cylinder slide up and down a tube which is inside a coil of wire.  We have power outages frequently enough that it’s necessary to have a flashlight on hand, and, over the years, we’ve collected several.  Of course, none of them work any more.

 So when I saw this one at Wal*Mart, I was most interested, if somewhat skeptical.  It’s a bit pricey, but compared to the cost of, yet another, traditional flashlight or the expense of batteries, I figured it was worth a try.  As it turns out, the thing works fairly well.  You need to shake it for a minute or two initially, to get a bright light.  After that, a few shakes every few minutes keeps it going.  Oh, and instead of a bulb, it uses LEDs (Light Emitting Diode) to make the light.  The advantage of this being that they last for years of use.

 Overall, it’s an excellent product.  I’ve got one in my truck, one in my wife’s car, and two in the house.  Besides having an emergency light, and getting a little exercise, you have something to play with until the TV comes back on.

the Grit