Archive for the ‘Kevin Federline’ Category

Britney, more human than I thought!

February 23, 2007

Hi Brit,

When I was in high school, my stepfather was a divorce lawyer, so I got to see just how wild some partings of the way can get.  It was bad enough that, after his car was shot up, three times, the stack of death threat letters filled an entire drawer in a file cabinet, and our kitten was stomped to death, tied to a brick, and hurled through our window, he decided to no longer handle domestic cases.

Which brings us to Britney and here troubles with her ex.  After an apparent confrontation with Federline, Britney, well just look at the picture:

 britney.jpg

 While this is obviously troubled behavior, it also reveals some good news.  First, while Britney is experiencing a few mental problems during these stressful times, she is still physically fit, as the size of the dents in that SUV prove.  It even looks like she managed to poke a hole in the metal, which is not easy to do with a blunt weapon like that umbrella.  Which, by the way, is the other good news.  She can still afford the best.  I didn’t even know there was an umbrella made that would hold up to such abuse, but I expect it costs a pretty penny.

Good luck Britney.

the Grit

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Britney sex secrets

February 12, 2007

Hi Grit

You can’t seem to keep Britney out of the news for long, or at least those who want to make money from being associated with her. This time it is her latest ex – Issac Cohen, who lasted for about a month. In an article in the UK News of the World, he reveals all about the star’s sex secrets, going into great detail about their antics in bed.

If it was that fantastic for them, one has to wonder why the relationship did not last very long. Perhaps it was Issac who could not stand the pace rather than Britney.

the Brit

Once again I say, Britney’s not stupid.

January 31, 2007

Hi Brit,

Once again our favorite pop tart has proved that, while she’s a tramp, slut, tart, bad parent, poorly dressed, obnoxious, media whore, with unusual taste in men, she’s not stupid: Casa Federline Up for Grabs.  If she gets her asking price, which you know she will, that’s $6.6 million in profit in 3 years, almost doubling her money.  So, if she ever looses her voice, it looks like she has a fall back career in property investment.

the Grit

Bat out of hell, bite me world!

January 29, 2007

Hi Brit,

I was in a bit of a nostalgic mood this afternoon, so I put “Bat Out of Hell” on and cranked it up.  Man, what perfect timing!  Global Warming, extremest Muslim terrorists, liberals, Jane Fonda, Britney’s beaver, Big Brother racism, Hillary Clinton, the United Nations, President Bush, AlGore, Iraq, Iran, nuclear bombs, blood in the streets, and the end of the world; screw it all!  So, take a few minutes, put the CD on, crank it up and sing along!

Bat Out Of Hell lyrics

The sirens are screaming and the fires are howling

Way down in the valley tonight
There’s a man in the shadows with a gun in his eye
And a blade shining oh so bright
There’s evil in the air and there’s thunder in the sky
And a killer’s on the bloodshot streets
And down in the tunnel where the deadly are rising
Oh I swear I saw a young boy
Down in the gutter
He was starting to foam in the heat
Oh Baby you’re the only thing in this whole world
that’s pure and good and right
And wherever you are and wherever you go
There’s always gonna be some light
But i gotta get out
I gotta break it out now
Before the final crack of dawn
So we gotta make the most of our one night together
When it’s over you know
We’ll both be so alone
Like a bat out of hell
I’ll be gone when the morning comes
When the night is over
Like a bat out of hell I’ll be gone gone gone
Like a bat out of hell I’ll be gone when the morning comes
But when the day is done
And the sun goes down
And the moonlight’s shining through

Then like a sinner before the gates of heaven

I’ll come crawling on back to you
I’m gonna hit the highway like a battering ram

On a silver black phantom bike

When the metal is hot and the engine is hungry

And we’re all about to see the light

Nothing ever grows in this rotten old hole

Everything is stunted and lost

And nothing really rocks

And nothing really rolls

And nothing’s ever worth the cost

And I know that I’m damned if I never get out

And maybe I’m damned if I do

But with every other beat I got left in my heart

You know I’d rather be damned with you

If I gotta be damned you know I wanna be damned

Dancing through the night with you

If I gotta be damned you know I wanna be damned

Gotta be damned you know I wanna be damned

If Gotta be damned you know I wanna be damned

Dancing through the night

Dancing through the night

Dancing through the night with you
Oh Baby you’re the only thing in this whole world

     that’s pure and good and right

And wherever you are and wherever you go

There’s always gonna be some light

But I gotta get out

I gotta break it out now

Before the final crack of dawn

So we gotta make the most of our one night together

When it’s over you know

We’ll both be so alone

Like a bat out of hell

I’ll be gone when the morning comes

When the night is over

Like a bat out of hell I’ll be gone gone gone

Like a bat out of hell I’ll be gone when the morning comes

But when the day is done

And the sun goes down

And the moonlight’s shining through

Then like a sinner before the gates of heaven

I’ll come crawling on back to you

Then like a sinner before the gates of heaven

I’ll come crawling on back to you

I can see myself tearing up the road

Faster than any other boy has ever gone

And my skin is raw but my soul is ripe

And no one’s gonna stop me now

I gotta make my escape

But I can’t stop thinking of you

And I never see the sudden curve until it’s way too late

I never see the sudden curve till it’s way too late

Then I’m dying on the bottom of a pit in the blazing sun

Torn and twisted at the foot of a burning bike

And I think somebody somewhere is tolling a bell

And the last thing I see is my heart

Still beating

Breaking out of my body

And flying away

Like a bat out of hell

Then I’m dying at the bottom of a pit in the blazing sun

Torn and twisted at the foot of a burning bike

And I think somebody somewhere must be tolling a bell

And the last thing I see is my heart

Still beating

Still beating

Breaking out of my body and flying away

Like a bat out of hell

Thanks Jim; thanks Meat!  Still love it; still a fan.

the Grit

Your 15 minutes of fame are up when…

January 24, 2007

Hi Brit,

You know the saying that “everyone gets 15 minutes of fame.”  Well, sometimes it takes a strong sign to make a person know it’s over.  For Kevin Federline, Britney’s discarded boy toy, this should just about do it, U.S. restaurants blast Kevin Federline TV.  Sorry, KF, but it’s time to go hide out for a year or twenty.  Don’t be too sad.  The Spears ride was destined to end sooner or later, and you’ve always got chess to fall back on.

the Grit

Something I’m sure Britney wanted to do

January 3, 2007

Hi Brit,

Sometimes the universe seems to take pleasure in yanking my chain.  This time it hit me with, KEVIN GETS THE NEW YEAR OFF TO A FIGHTING START.  Yes, that refers to Kevin Federline, Britney’s sex toy and soon to be ex-spouse, getting bounced around the squared circle.  This sad episode has actually lowered my opinion of professional wrestling’s integrity, something I didn’t think was possible.

the Grit