Archive for the ‘Britney Spears’ Category

Britney, more human than I thought!

February 23, 2007

Hi Brit,

When I was in high school, my stepfather was a divorce lawyer, so I got to see just how wild some partings of the way can get.  It was bad enough that, after his car was shot up, three times, the stack of death threat letters filled an entire drawer in a file cabinet, and our kitten was stomped to death, tied to a brick, and hurled through our window, he decided to no longer handle domestic cases.

Which brings us to Britney and here troubles with her ex.  After an apparent confrontation with Federline, Britney, well just look at the picture:

 britney.jpg

 While this is obviously troubled behavior, it also reveals some good news.  First, while Britney is experiencing a few mental problems during these stressful times, she is still physically fit, as the size of the dents in that SUV prove.  It even looks like she managed to poke a hole in the metal, which is not easy to do with a blunt weapon like that umbrella.  Which, by the way, is the other good news.  She can still afford the best.  I didn’t even know there was an umbrella made that would hold up to such abuse, but I expect it costs a pretty penny.

Good luck Britney.

the Grit

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Britney suicide attempt

February 22, 2007

Hey Grit

I know we have been following the antics of Britney over the last few months, but this latest report must be the most worrying for her family and friends as well as the girl herself. It seems that, after leaving the rehab clinic, and following on from a row with her ex over the custody of her two children, Britney tried to commit suicide by walking in front of traffic.

In my view, the time has come for someone to take a serious view of this situation. It is obvious from the laxity of the rehab centre that they are more interested in the dollar and promotion impact of having a “headline grabbing” star in their clinic than actually doing the young girl any good. At the same time everything she does appears on the media within minutes, which suggests that someone, somewhere, is feeding them with information. Thus it must appear to Britney that there is no way out of this circus and that she stands a good chance of losing the two people she loves most, her children.

Granted Britney has bought a lot of the media attention onto herself by her antics. But there comes a time when they have to sit back and consider the psychological impact of their constant hounding of her. Maybe the time has come for them to back off and leave the girl to sort out her relationship and other problems out in private. And maybe the time has come for her friends, family and other hangers-on to take a step back and concentrate on helping Britney to recover from whatever demons are haunting her.

We have already had one celebrity suicide in the last few weeks with Anna Nicole Smith. Let us not allow the press and our own insatiable curiosity lead to another one.

the Brit 

Britney even balder!

February 17, 2007

Hi Brit,

What a thing to wake up to, Britney, in the few hours that I don’t have the news on, has rehabbed and shaved her head.  So much for needing that second cup of coffee.  Assuming that her naughty bits are still hairless, this leaves her with only eyebrows to prove she is a mammal.  Unless those are painted on, in which case, I refer you to my post speculating on her being a space alien.

the Grit

The Church of Britney

February 14, 2007

Hi Brit,

Funny you should bring up Britney Spears and church, since my usually unreliable source sent me this at lunch:

“There is a new movement, based only on Internet contact, that is seriously disturbing the Powers That Be in many countries, The Church of Holy Britney.  This semi-religious movement is based upon interpreting her song lyrics and public activity in a prophetic light.  Some of the conclusions of the nameless high priests of this “Church” are considered by those in charge to be dangerously subversive and/or a potential danger to the general public.  For instance, the line, “Hit me baby one more time,” has been interpreted as meaning that the US and France, which have each had one revolution, are due another.  Since contact over the Internet is so anonymous, the only ready method of identifying members of this rapidly growing cult is by their act of devotion, as expressed by not wearing underwear.  It is not known at this time if Britney is involved in this, or even knows of its existence.”

Well, I know I’m going to be looking at the other people in the checkout line differently from now on.

the Grit

Britney and the church

February 14, 2007

No this is not a story about Britney being converted to religion. It is actually a plea from a celebrity Rabbi.  The rabbi has suggested that the current and recent antics of Britney, which have been spashed across the papers, may have a detrimental effect on her children in the future. He is pleading with her to mend her ways and consider the fact that she is now a parent and should act responsibly.

the Brit

Britney sex secrets

February 12, 2007

Hi Grit

You can’t seem to keep Britney out of the news for long, or at least those who want to make money from being associated with her. This time it is her latest ex – Issac Cohen, who lasted for about a month. In an article in the UK News of the World, he reveals all about the star’s sex secrets, going into great detail about their antics in bed.

If it was that fantastic for them, one has to wonder why the relationship did not last very long. Perhaps it was Issac who could not stand the pace rather than Britney.

the Brit

Anna Nicole Smith – Death attracts vultures

February 12, 2007

annanicolesmith_wideweb__470×3610.jpgHi Grit

No doubt you will have heard of the death of the former “UK page three” topless model Anna Smith last week, pictured right with Howard Stern, one of three male companions who claim paternity of her son. Anna’s death is being blamed, allegedly, on a drugs overdose, although this has not been officially confirmed as yet.

What I find disturbing about all this is the way the Media and Solicitors have pounced upon this news. Within hours of her death the media are setting up “ratings attracting” programmes, such as the two aired by Fox News and NBC, with fox seeing a 400,000 increase in viewers. Similarly, the Internet was immediately flooded with articles for sale and videos ostensibly of the actions of paramedics at the scene of here death. Then followed the legal fight over her estate, particular her house where, subsequent to her death, the locks have been changed twice by parties that feel their client has a right to the property. Most distasteful of all is the fight over her son, with three men claiming paternity. It seems to me like they are all trying to gain some benefit from the newsworthy aspects of the lady’s life.

It is strange how the “vulture” instinct seems to grab the public when a celebrity dies, irrespective of their views of the person when they were alive.

the Brit

Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, Lyndsey Lohan: Prosti-tots

February 6, 2007

Hi Grit

I think I must have come across brit_paris_lindsay_002.jpgthe only article that mentions all of the above mentioned girls in one breath. Recounting how at one time all of these girls were friends, and their ability to be able to individually or together garner fame, usually by actions or photographs that are less than tasteful, the newspaper in question reveals that yet again they have come together in a media circus.

The story is that time, in a recent issue posed the question whether the three girls have too much influence on the youth of today, with the cover asking whether we are raising a youth of prosti-tots. Surprisingly 77% agreed with this hypothesis. I find this surprising in that this must mean that the other 23% disagree. Based on internet statistics, it would seem that the lower percentage are either far more vocal and active than those who agree, or the agreeing percentage still go off and buy the papers, read the magazines and click on all the stories about them.

It’s a strange world sometimes.

the Brit

Britney Spears knickerless is catching.

February 3, 2007

Hi Grit

It seems like the knickerless trend started by Britney Spears is catching. The latest celebrity to get in on the Act is Jemima Khan, who decided to attend her 33rd birthday party in a PVC dress with nothing left to the imagination. This from a lady who was totally covered at her wedding to Imran Khan.

Popular opinion has it that Jemima was trying to keep her boyfriend’s (Hugh Grant) mind of his ex-flame Liz Hurley. In police terms over here they would call that entrapment!

I must be getting old because I really don’t see the point of this sort of behaviour. Are all these ladies just trying to put flesh impetous into their careers?

the Brit

Once again I say, Britney’s not stupid.

January 31, 2007

Hi Brit,

Once again our favorite pop tart has proved that, while she’s a tramp, slut, tart, bad parent, poorly dressed, obnoxious, media whore, with unusual taste in men, she’s not stupid: Casa Federline Up for Grabs.  If she gets her asking price, which you know she will, that’s $6.6 million in profit in 3 years, almost doubling her money.  So, if she ever looses her voice, it looks like she has a fall back career in property investment.

the Grit

Bat out of hell, bite me world!

January 29, 2007

Hi Brit,

I was in a bit of a nostalgic mood this afternoon, so I put “Bat Out of Hell” on and cranked it up.  Man, what perfect timing!  Global Warming, extremest Muslim terrorists, liberals, Jane Fonda, Britney’s beaver, Big Brother racism, Hillary Clinton, the United Nations, President Bush, AlGore, Iraq, Iran, nuclear bombs, blood in the streets, and the end of the world; screw it all!  So, take a few minutes, put the CD on, crank it up and sing along!

Bat Out Of Hell lyrics

The sirens are screaming and the fires are howling

Way down in the valley tonight
There’s a man in the shadows with a gun in his eye
And a blade shining oh so bright
There’s evil in the air and there’s thunder in the sky
And a killer’s on the bloodshot streets
And down in the tunnel where the deadly are rising
Oh I swear I saw a young boy
Down in the gutter
He was starting to foam in the heat
Oh Baby you’re the only thing in this whole world
that’s pure and good and right
And wherever you are and wherever you go
There’s always gonna be some light
But i gotta get out
I gotta break it out now
Before the final crack of dawn
So we gotta make the most of our one night together
When it’s over you know
We’ll both be so alone
Like a bat out of hell
I’ll be gone when the morning comes
When the night is over
Like a bat out of hell I’ll be gone gone gone
Like a bat out of hell I’ll be gone when the morning comes
But when the day is done
And the sun goes down
And the moonlight’s shining through

Then like a sinner before the gates of heaven

I’ll come crawling on back to you
I’m gonna hit the highway like a battering ram

On a silver black phantom bike

When the metal is hot and the engine is hungry

And we’re all about to see the light

Nothing ever grows in this rotten old hole

Everything is stunted and lost

And nothing really rocks

And nothing really rolls

And nothing’s ever worth the cost

And I know that I’m damned if I never get out

And maybe I’m damned if I do

But with every other beat I got left in my heart

You know I’d rather be damned with you

If I gotta be damned you know I wanna be damned

Dancing through the night with you

If I gotta be damned you know I wanna be damned

Gotta be damned you know I wanna be damned

If Gotta be damned you know I wanna be damned

Dancing through the night

Dancing through the night

Dancing through the night with you
Oh Baby you’re the only thing in this whole world

     that’s pure and good and right

And wherever you are and wherever you go

There’s always gonna be some light

But I gotta get out

I gotta break it out now

Before the final crack of dawn

So we gotta make the most of our one night together

When it’s over you know

We’ll both be so alone

Like a bat out of hell

I’ll be gone when the morning comes

When the night is over

Like a bat out of hell I’ll be gone gone gone

Like a bat out of hell I’ll be gone when the morning comes

But when the day is done

And the sun goes down

And the moonlight’s shining through

Then like a sinner before the gates of heaven

I’ll come crawling on back to you

Then like a sinner before the gates of heaven

I’ll come crawling on back to you

I can see myself tearing up the road

Faster than any other boy has ever gone

And my skin is raw but my soul is ripe

And no one’s gonna stop me now

I gotta make my escape

But I can’t stop thinking of you

And I never see the sudden curve until it’s way too late

I never see the sudden curve till it’s way too late

Then I’m dying on the bottom of a pit in the blazing sun

Torn and twisted at the foot of a burning bike

And I think somebody somewhere is tolling a bell

And the last thing I see is my heart

Still beating

Breaking out of my body

And flying away

Like a bat out of hell

Then I’m dying at the bottom of a pit in the blazing sun

Torn and twisted at the foot of a burning bike

And I think somebody somewhere must be tolling a bell

And the last thing I see is my heart

Still beating

Still beating

Breaking out of my body and flying away

Like a bat out of hell

Thanks Jim; thanks Meat!  Still love it; still a fan.

the Grit

Britney has found Ghost of knickers future

January 25, 2007

Hi Grit

I was pleased to see from a story in your press that Britney has finally come to her senses and been out shopping – for knickers. At least this will save the press a fortune on flash cameras. Mind you, they could be for her new boyfiend. Who knows?

However, I also noticed that according to one satirist, that she has been seeing ghosts – of her dead career.

the brit

Your 15 minutes of fame are up when…

January 24, 2007

Hi Brit,

You know the saying that “everyone gets 15 minutes of fame.”  Well, sometimes it takes a strong sign to make a person know it’s over.  For Kevin Federline, Britney’s discarded boy toy, this should just about do it, U.S. restaurants blast Kevin Federline TV.  Sorry, KF, but it’s time to go hide out for a year or twenty.  Don’t be too sad.  The Spears ride was destined to end sooner or later, and you’ve always got chess to fall back on.

the Grit

Britney’s career is over!

January 17, 2007

Hi Brit,

I hate to say it, but I’m afraid our favorite strumpet has driven the final nail in the coffin of her career.  Carefully examine this article, Britney Spears’s $40,000 Night in Vegas, and see if you can find the deadly sin.  No, it’s not the ostentatious display of wealth.  Wrong again, it’s not having hot naked adulterous sex on a revolving bed.  Nope, not the wild late night parties, or even dancing on the bar.  Give up?

Then here it is:

“It was a different scene Saturday night. Spears and model-actor Cohen, both 25, danced and smoked cigarettes at 8½, a gay club off the Strip, before leaving after about an hour.”  Do you see it now?  She smoked cigarettes in public!  She’s done I tell you!  Done!

the Grit

Britney slipped disc

January 13, 2007

Hey Grit

The Britney bandwagon is in the news again. This time it appears that she is in trouble with her record company. They say that her latest album is rubbish and needs to be re-recorded, otherwise they might drop it, and her.

It seems that, at the moment, the lady cannot do anything right.

the Brit

Britney divides children

January 6, 2007

Hi Grit

I see Britney is back in the news again. Only this time it is about her children. Apparently, she has just reached an agreement to share them with her estranged husband between noon and 4pm three days a week.

Why is it that children always get treated as possessions in marriage break-ups?

the Brit

Britney’s missing pubes?

January 6, 2007

Hi Brit,

I’m sorry to say it, but Britney’s hairless naughty bit has been on my mind ever since my mix up over her beaver shoot.  No, not like that 😉  I’ve just been wondering where her hair went.  Did it just fall out naturally?  Perhaps it wore off from friction back when she wore panties?  Could the pop tart have had some strange accident involving one of those sticky mouse trap things?

Yes, obsessive is stamped in large red letters across my permanent record.  However, I may have solved the mystery, Pubes Aid!  I bet Britney has just been overly charitable.

the Grit

Britney on the rocks

January 5, 2007

Hey Grit

It seems that Britney is not doing too well in terms of fans. Her official website has closed, and this is said to be due to her fans reaction to the latest publicity surrounding the star.

However her publicist says that some of the reports are misrepresented. I wonder how one can misrepresent photos?

the Brit

Paris on the booze

January 3, 2007

Hi Grit

I was looking at your story on Britney, when I noticed further down the page that Paris Hilton went on a trip to Australia for six days, and took eight bags. She was doing an advert for an Australian beer. Do you think that the bags were for bringing home some freebies?

the brit

It must be nice to be rich.

January 3, 2007

Hi Brit,

This one has me all depressed over not hitting the lottery, Is Britney Spears headed for rehab?  It looks like the drowsy diva is heading for some upper crust spa for a spell of full body massage and facials while drying out.  Ah, must be nice.  Of course, we have a rehab center down here, called the county jail.  While the facilities and service probably aren’t as nice as our favorite pop tart will have, I’ve heard it’s almost as expensive a stay, what with the legal fine and the private bunk fee, paid in cigarettes.

the Grit