We can rest easy in our beds tonight, knowing that the solution to global warming is in safe hands. One of our most popular entrepreneurs, Richard Branson, has come up the solution. His idea is to offer a $25 million dollar prize to the first scientist to come up with a solution to extract CO2 from the atmosphere.
There are of course three problems here. One is that, if the past is anything to go by, it will be difficult to get scientific agreement. Two, by the time such a project is completed it will be too late and three, how will the machine or whatever be able to distinguish between so-called man-made emissions and natural emissions?
However, not to miss the opportunity to accumulate some wealth, I have come up with a couple of ideas you might want to help me with Grit.
STEP ONE – Build one chimney in the middle of the Atlantic. It needs to be 15 miles high and 100 feet in diameter and stand on pylons sunk into the earth.
STEP TWO – Build a second chimney at a spot 180 degrees around the earth from the first chimney with the same dimensions.
STEP THREE – two miles above the earth’s surface around each chimney attach a network of horizontal pipes, one for each country within that chimneys hemisphere. The lengths of these pipes will be to be custom made so that they extend to reach each individual country.
STEP FOUR – At the end of each pipe attach a multi head large extractor fan, rather like a shower head. These will be directed to all points of the compass so that there is even coverage.
JOB DONE. Caution. All of the extractor fans will need to be turned on simultaneously to avoid unbalancing the earth.
Possibly a more simple solution. I am given to understand that man-made emissions can be collected in containers of some nature. Therefore why don’t we constuct a fleet of CO2 garbage shuttles capable of holding these containers and run a weekly CO2 disposal service. By this route we can dump the emissions somewhere in outer space and give the problem to another galaxy.
PS: Where do we find the application forms for the $25 million?