Global Warming – Branson to the rescue

We can rest easy in our beds tonight, knowing that the solution to global warming is in safe hands. One of our most popular entrepreneurs, Richard Branson, has come up the solution. His idea is to offer a $25 million dollar prize to the first scientist to come up with a solution to extract CO2 from the atmosphere.

There are of course three problems here. One is that, if the past is anything to go by, it will be difficult to get scientific agreement. Two, by the time such a project is completed it will be too late and three, how will the machine or whatever be able to distinguish between so-called man-made emissions and natural emissions?

However, not to miss the opportunity to accumulate some wealth, I have come up with a couple of ideas you might want to help me with Grit.

PROJECT ONE 

STEP ONE – Build one chimney in the middle of the Atlantic.  It needs to be 15 miles high and 100 feet in diameter and stand on pylons sunk into the earth.

STEP TWO – Build a second chimney at a spot 180 degrees around the earth from the first chimney with the same dimensions.

STEP THREE – two miles above the earth’s surface around each chimney attach a network of horizontal pipes, one for each country within that chimneys hemisphere. The lengths of these pipes will be to be custom made so that they extend to reach each individual country.

STEP FOUR – At the end of each pipe attach a multi head large extractor fan, rather like a shower head. These will be directed to all points of the compass so that there is even coverage.

JOB DONE. Caution. All of the extractor fans will need to be turned on simultaneously to avoid unbalancing the earth.

PROJECT TWO

Possibly a more simple solution. I am given to understand that man-made emissions can be collected in containers of some nature. Therefore why don’t we constuct a fleet of CO2 garbage shuttles capable of holding these containers and run a weekly CO2 disposal service. By this route we can dump the emissions somewhere in outer space and give the problem to another galaxy.

the Brit

PS: Where do we find the application forms for the $25 million? 

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5 Responses to “Global Warming – Branson to the rescue”

  1. britandgrit Says:

    Hi Brit,

    Personally, I plan on sending them a package of kudzu sprigs and instructions on how to plant them. Plant enough kudzu and CO2 will no longer be a problem. However, in a few years they’ll need to offer another prize for the best method of getting rid of the kudzu.

    the Grit

  2. britandgrit Says:

    Hi Grit

    I remember your piece about that plant. So that’s three chances at $25 million then.

    the Brit

  3. Hottdogz Says:

    Kudzu sounds good. It loves a highly acidic soil. Caveat: It grows incredibly fast so keep it away from retirees and rocking chairs. (It an interesting idea, for sure.)

    And then you can get rich again by figuring out how to get rid of the damn stuff.

    And The Brit’s #2 idea sounds doable and workable. That’s an excellent Idea!!!!! Wow, run with this: Capture the CO2 from the exhaust pipe of engines and power plants. Compress it into liquid CO2, releasing even more heat which can be fed back into the power plant or engine, (not a perpetual motion device, just energy efficiency.) Collect the bottled CO2 and various exhaust soots, and separate them. Bury the exhaust solids and use the liquid CO2 in large greenhouses growing kudzu, tomatoes, melons, whatever. Voilla!!

  4. britandgrit Says:

    Hi H,

    You are obviously a gentleman and a scholar. I do have to point out, in all fairness, that almost every part of the kudzu plant is eatable. Thus, I suspect, part of this plan will, in the long run, be an effort to push kudzu bars as the perfect food source, regardless of what the crap tastes like. Sorry.

    As to the growth rate of kudzu, the only thing that rivals it, as far as I know, is yeast and bamboo. Kudzo, however, has a better range of usefulness for just sucking CO2 out of the air.

    Thanks for dropping by, and don’t be a stranger.

    the Grit

  5. the Brit Says:

    Hi H

    It is amazing how $25 million concentrates the mind :-). Thanks for the great suggestions.

    the Brit

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