Archive for December, 2006

Just in time for New Years!

December 31, 2006

Hi Brit,

Since I know you tip the occasional glass, I figured this might be of interest to you:

Huge ice shelf breaks free in Canada’s far north 

According to my quick calculations, that’s enough ice to make more than enough ice cubes for all the New Years parties around the globe, assuming it is cut carefully and shipped quickly enough to prevent premature melting.  So, if it happens to be due to global warming, I say “Thanks!”

Of course, if you read the fine print in the story, it turns out that the big break happened last year.  Which leads one to ask, why, if it’s such an important story, did it take 18 months to get around to mentioning it? 

Heck, even if we don’t cut it into tiny cubes, someone should tow it down to California.  They are always complaining about not having enough water, which is silly since they’re on the Pacific coast, but, perhaps, it’ll shut them up for a year or two.

the Grit

Advertisements

Where’s the press?

December 31, 2006

Hi Brit,

I’ve been following this on the net for a day or three, Artillery rains down on Somali Islamist bastion, and, since I’m a news junkie and keep a 24 hour news channel on in the background all day, it puzzles me that this hasn’t been on our news.  Seriously, there’s a shooting war going on in Africa, with terrorist inclined Muslims on one side, and it doesn’t get any air time?  For that matter, why aren’t we sending troops, or at least air support?  Where’s the UN?  Where’s the EU?  Where’s any other major group that goes by a pair of initials?  Really, as I understand it, one side in this conflict is connected to terrorists, and the civilized world is supposed to be fighting a war against those people, why isn’t everyone jumping into this one?  Considering that Spain and Thailand got bombed by just such idiots today, it should be on everyones’ minds.

the Grit

Party with the stars

December 31, 2006

Hi Brit,

Knowing that you happen to be one of the international jet-set, when I saw this, Where the Stars Are Partying New Year’s Eve, it occurred to me that you might appreciate a heads up.

Don’t party too hard and say hi to Britney for me,

the Grit

A little help here, Brit!

December 31, 2006

Hi Brit,

I just stumbled across this, Britons ‘not ready to drink less’, and I must say that I am both confused and angered.  On one hand, the article doesn’t give any details on your drinking 24 hours a day laws, although I am impressed that y’all can hold that much alcohol.  On the other hand, it seems to imply that you government thinks y’all are the only ones who like to drink, which I take as a personal and national slight.  On the gripping hand, said news story also suggests that Europeans aren’t constantly drunk, which is totally at odds with most all of the news out of the EU at large.  It would be most helpful if you translated.

the Grit

Animals shafted

December 31, 2006

Hey Grit

Still on the subject of Michael Jackson, Did you see the news of what has happened to his “Never-never land” project. It is now in ruins. (see here for the full story).  Personally, the fact that he has fallen from grace either as a celebrity or financially does not bother me one iota. However, his treatment and disregard for the animals does.

Does he care? Well apparently, according to the news he has not been near the place since the middle of 2005. He is now residing in Ireland. I wonder if he has sleepless nights? As one of his songs on the thriller album says, perhaps that is just “Human Nature.” For me it is not the nicest side of it.

the Brit

The French are in it again.

December 31, 2006

Hi Brit,

This story, French space agency to publish UFO archive online, seems to be a confluence of different bits of weirdness. 

Obviously, it’s a sign of the end of the world.  First, just the fact that France has a space agency is enough to make me start work on an underground shelter.  Second, that the French, who have been blind to the truth about so many things, are now starting to believe in UFOs is, to say the least, scary.

On the other hand, I got the link to that story from my usually unreliable source, along with an explanation of UFO stuff.

“It’s long been known to all major governments of the world that so called UFOs actually are space craft driven by visitors from another star system.  The problem is that the little alien twits can only process communications at very slow rates.  Thus, we have been talking to them for 60 years and are just now getting past ‘Hi.  How are you.  I’m doing fine, thanks for asking.’

Communication with the alien snails can only be accomplished through low frequency radio signals, which transmit information slowly.  That is the connection to the French, as the Eiffel Tower was originally built as a low frequency antenna.  It was replaced in the 60s with the ELF Grid (Extremely Low Frequency) under the pretext of maintaining communications with our nuclear submarines while they were submerged.”

I suspect he/she/it may have started celebrating New Years early, but then again …

the Grit

Star light – star bright

December 31, 2006

Hi Gritstarlight.JPG

starlight-1.JPG

Just thought I would let you know that part of the Christmas gifts I bought for my partner Marlis, was two tickets (well I could not let her go alone, now could I?) to see the renowned musical “Starlight Express.”  The show is based around railways and performed by actors on roller skates.

In case you in the US are not familiar with this show, here are a few factoids from it.

1) The show opened in 1984 and has been produced in the UK, USA, Australia, Germany, Canada, Japan and Mexico.

2) In London there were over 7,400 performances before it closed in 2002, making it second only to “Cats” another Lloyd Webber Production.

3) An estimated 16 million people have seen the show worldwide and the estimated gross box office world-wide is £352 million.

4) The theatre ghost, who has been seen since the theatre was a cinema, sat in Row Q, sometimes during the evening performances.

5) 6 miles of timber, two and half acres of sheet wood and 60 tonnes of steel were used to construct the set.

6) There are 1,500 light bulbs on the set, 1,200 lanterns and 6,000 pea lights on the back wall of the set to create the star effect.

7) The top speed recorded by a skater was 40 mph during a rehearsal.

8 ) 20,000 pairs of skate laces, 25,000 skate wheels and 15,000 toe stops were used during the London run.

9) The London skaters got through 1,200,000 boxes of tissues and 12,000 gallon bottles of water. 2,000 pairs of false eyelashes, 8,000 tins of base make-up and 2,000 tubs of make-up remover have been applied.

10) Three generations of the Pearton family watched the Apollo Victoria show every week for the final four years. The grand-daughter had skating lessons every week.

11) Alan Newman, a postman from Kent, saw the show 750 times and estimates he spent £21,000.00. He always sat in the same seat – Stalls L23.

I would mention here that the first time we will see it will be on the evening of the 6th January 2007.

Let’s hope it lives up to expectations.

the brit

Big Labor on steroids!

December 31, 2006

Hi Brit,

It looks like our countries are going to share one more thing, union thugs, Birth of the first global super-union.  Now we’ll have Big Business and Big Labor and the rest of us will get squashed in between.  Happy New Year!

Of course, I’m not really sure how we can have labor unions in the US.  After all, they have the power to deny a person’s right to work at a given job based on a non-job related characteristic, not paying union dues.  Now, if the Government, or a business, or even a private individual did that, Big Trial Lawyers, in the form of the ACLU (American Civil Liberties Union) would have them in court faster than Big Organized Crime can take their cut off the top.  Yet, somehow, liberal groups and liberal politicians think it’s just fine to let labor unions extort money from the common working person?  How strange.

the Grit

Michael Jackson comeback

December 31, 2006

Well Grit

If you are really concerned about the “gloved one’s” return, it may be best to stay away from Vegasjackson.JPG for a while. It appears that Jackson, who is only $100 million in debt, is set to make a dramatic return to the limelight in a show on the famous strip.

I guess his debts, along with his skin pigmentation, will pale into insignificance compared with the fee he will be commanding. As for the UK news comparing him with James Brown, in my view there is no comparison.

Well here is one brit who will give the show a miss.

the Brit

The Gloved One Returns!

December 31, 2006

Hi Brit,

Just when you thought it was safe to watch the news, Michael Jackson rears his amazing head.

  Michael Jackson praises James Brown as inspiration

What a hideous thing to do to a dead man.  The moon-walking freak should be glad I’m not related to James Brown, because I’d unleash a pack of lawyers on his scrawny behind for defamation of character. 

the Grit

Presidential confusion

December 31, 2006

Hi Grit

It is lthatcher.JPGittle wonder that our political system is becoming confusing. In the last thirtyblair-1.JPG years we have had two Prime Ministers who have thought themselves to be Presidents and acted in almost identical manners. The instigator of this role was Margaret Thatcher of the Conservative party, who served (if that’s the right word?) for ten year, and then of course there is Tony Blair, who has served the same term. Both have treated the country as their own plaything.

As for policies, the Labour party started on the extreme left and, when seeing how successful Conservatives were, moved to the centre. The conservatives on the other hand were on the extreme right. But since Labour have been in power, they too have moved to the centre. Thus we now have two parties playing on the same ground. In the meantime our third party, the Liberal Democrats, who were in the centre in the first place, have moved nowhere. However, they have been virtually trampled to death by the heavy boots of Labour and Conservative MP’s clamouring for their seats on the central rock. This may of course, be the reason why their leaders are inclined towards the bottle.

It is all a bit academic actually, because we are increasingly becoming subjected to the reign of the “faceless” ones from the European Community. Therefore, UK politics is become an irrelevance as nowadays we cannot sneeze unless it is in strict accordance with a directive from the EU.

Of course this is why voting turnouts are only between 45 and 60% and, as the winning party only receives about 35% of that vote, means we are governed (if one can call it that) by a party that is supported by less than 20% of the population.

the Brit 

Once again, I am confused.

December 30, 2006

OK Brit,

I need your help on this one. 

Tories ‘party of working people’

Now, I know in the US at least one of our political parties will say anything to anyone to get a vote, but I’ve been laboring under the impression that you Brits had enough parties for everyone to find a reasonable fit between their own views and the platform of one group or another.  Could it be that y’all are shrinking into a two party system?  A little help please!

the Grit

Speaking of car wrecks

December 30, 2006

Hi Brit,

Looks like even more trouble is looming on the horizon of the new year.

Near-future Fords to Feature Windows Automotive 

I’m not sure if you use Windows, but I do, and it’s easy to predict that this is going to give a whole new meaning to the term “car crash.”  It’s also going to cause lots of new problems.  Road side assistance vehicles will have to add a computer repair technician.  Automobile dealers are going to merge with software companies.  Gas stations will need to add high speed Internet connections so customers can get the latest anti-virus updates while filling their tanks.  And you can expect a rash of new traffic accidents when drivers confuse the windshield with the monitor while playing one of those car race games.  It’s madness I tell you, madness!

the Grit

The last time this happened it changed the world.

December 30, 2006

Hi Brit,

This is most disturbing on several levels,

Strange But True: Komodo Dragons Show That “Virgin Births” Are Possible 

OK, I know I’m a bit of an alarmist, but the last time this happened it caused centuries of upheaval by starting two of the world’s big religions.  If this Komodo thing starts a new cult, and I have no doubt it will, things are going to get even stranger than they already are.  This is one of those times when research should be hidden for security and public safety reasons.  All the Komodo dragons should be rounded up, shipped to Area 51, and kept under lock and key just to be safe.  Obviously, I don’t need to mention that this is, indeed, yet another sign of the end of the world.  Oh, and since Area 51 is in Nevada, maybe Katie Rees could get a job tossing chunks of pig over the fence at feeding time.

the Grit

Driving signs

December 30, 2006

Hey Grit

They are not telling you the real reason why we are doing away with traffic signs. It is to do with the fact that congestion has now become so widespread that it is not possible to drive anywhere. If the car is left to stand and look pretty on a motorway, waiting for the end of a rush hour that never ends, there is little point in having a sign that says “slow down!”

Of course, it could be a novel way to deliver population reduction. I mean can you imagine the French being polite and letting an English person turn in front of them?

the Brit

Europe car boot sale in progress

December 30, 2006

Hi Grit

I don’t think it will take as long as 5 years for Europe in general, and the UK in particular, to be out of the business field. Here in the UK we have already sold the following

1) Steel industry to India
2) Energy company to Russia
3) Toy manufacturers to China
4) At least two banks to overseas buyers
5) Car manufacturers to China, US, Germany and Japan
6) Airports to Spain
7) Call centres to Asia
8) Tax Return processing to India
9) Major football clubs (soccer) to Russia
10) Clothing shops to Spain

Is there anything left?

the Brit

Europe going out of business!?

December 30, 2006

Hi Brit,

It would seem that the EU has decided to put an end to almost all manufacturing in Europe. 

Europe passes tough chemical law 

Between the extra cost of regulation and the banning of some vital chemicals, y’all should be totally out of business before the law is even fully implemented.  I’d guess sometime in 2012 y’all can have the world’s largest “going out of business” sale 😉 

the Grit

At least we drive on the right side of the road.

December 30, 2006

Hi Brit,

Even though y’all drive on the wrong side of the road, it seems like we have the worst traffic problems.  Animal parts, missile, cause top U.S. traffic headaches  Of course, for the sake of our non-British readers, I should point out that a “lorry” is a “truck.” 

However, it seems like the EU is trying to make up for lost time, European Cities Do Away with Traffic Signs.  Which, I suspect, will be a very, very bad idea.  Oh, and I notice that one of the test cities is Ipswich, which, if I’m not mistaken is where your latest serial killer was haunting.  Could there be a connection?

 Plus, I just found this on StrangeVehicles.com (at http://www.strangevehicles.com/archive/eletter_item_223.html):

The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation’s traffic school. YIKES!

Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?
A: What for? He can’t see my license plate.

Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, “Guns don’t kill people. I do.”

Q: What are the important safety tips to remember when backing your car?
A: Always wear a condom.

Q: When driving through fog, what should you use?
A: Your car.

Q: How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident?
A: Be too shit-faced to find your keys.

Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving?
A: I’d probably lose my buzz a lot faster.

Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully?
A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully.

Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?
A: The color.

Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic?
A: Heavy psychedelics.

Q: What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem?
A: Carry loaded weapons.

Q: Why would it be difficult to be a police officer?
A: It would be tough to be a dickhead all day long.

I was going to say that it makes me glad I don’t drive in LA, but then I realized that, unlike Memphis, their idiots at least TRY to get a license.

the Grit

New Years Resolutions

December 30, 2006

Hi Brit,

It’s almost here, the end of the year, and I can’t think of any resolutions.  I never can.  Mostly, things are going pretty good, and any change I make might be for the worse.  Of course, some people have it easy.  This woman for instance: Woman Charged With Malicious Castration.

 See,  She has plenty to work on.  Although, if she can do that with her bare hands, muscle development isn’t one of them.  It’s a shame there’s not a video.  Although, one does have to wonder just what the theme for that party was.  I like the end of the article, where it points out that this was the first crime of this nature in that town.

the Grit

Aquilera nude turn on

December 30, 2006

news.jpgWell the celebs are at it again. This time it is Christina Aquilera who is breaking into the news by stating that the sight of naked women turns her on. One is tempted to say – so what!

Isn’t it interesting how any celebrity who utters more than three sensible words in one sentence get noticed.

the brit